Umm, Which Way Again?
by eelgirl13
Summary: Deciding to help was a no-brainer. Going to actually assist… now that's a whole different story. -Oneshot-


Umm… Which Way Again?

_I don't own Bleach_.

I mean, there has to be a reason why they didn't show up 'till that specific moment. It just may not be what you think.

…

"Let's roll."

With that, the eight Visoreds left the warehouse. After about two seconds of thought and consideration, they decided to join the fight against Aizen. They knew Urahara was planning too, as soon as he "prepared something". Ichigo was helping as well. Being that their two greatest allies were joining, they had seen no reason not too. Therefore, under the lead of Shinji Hirako, they were out to fight alongside friends, former enemies and those few that some of the Visoreds never wanted to see again.

However, as they stepped outside the warehouse, they were faced with a _little_ problem.

"Where the hell is the battle?"

Outside the warehouse, which was near the outskirts of Karakura, the eight Visoreds stood. Silence engulfed them. A bird flew in the sky. Chirps filled the air. Everything was peaceful…

"Where the hell is the battle baldy?"

Hiyori Sarugaki hit their fearless leader in the face with her sandal. Shinji fell over, rolled a little bit, and stopped in front of Kensei Mugaruma.

"Damm it! How the hell are we suppose to help if we can't find them?" Hiyori picked Shinji up by his tie- the tie of all things!- and slapped him again. And again. And again…

"Hiyori, you're gonna kill him if you keep doing that." Lisa Yadomaru said calmly. Furious, Hiyori dropped Shinji… and stepped on his stomach. Hard.

"She's got a point," Rose Otoribashi put in, ignoring Shinji's pleas for help. "How are we supposed to help if we can't find them?" He looked over to his partner, Love Aikawa, who shrugged.

"Maybe Shin-chan knows!" Mashiro Kuna piped up. All the others, minus "Shin-chan" and Hiyori, who was beating him up, nodded in agreement. Kensei went over and rescued Shinji from Hiyori's clutches. Relieved, Shinji nearly kissed the guy. That is, until Kensei slapped him.

"Yo! Hirako! What are we going to do now?" Kensei yelled into Shinji's face. Shinji groaned. His savior was as brutal as the blonde hair demon, except he looked the part too.

"Ma-Maybe the battle is somewhere else. Let's walk around and look." All the others nodded in agreement once again, and the Visoreds walked into the sunset, like the heroes who would save the day and bring peace to the land once again.

Screw that.

In reality, the Visoreds continued down the street, noting that everyone was lying around. They continued to walk around, and around, and around…

"Baldy! We passed our warehouse THREE freakin' times!" Hiyori slapped Shinji with her slipper once again. At this point, Shinji was so battered up, it seemed as if he had been through the war already. And he hadn't even sheath Sakanade yet…

"Maybe it's over! Lookie, everyone died already!" Mashiro chimed in. Everyone had to agree that she had a point…

"Idiot! They're asleep!" Hiyori huffed and turned away from their group. Everyone had to agree that she also had a point…

"Can we go back in? I wanna finish my new magazine." Lisa walked toward the warehouse. Everyone had no idea what was her point. They were supposed to play heroes saving the day, not heroes hiding out and reading porno mags.

Once again, silence.

"Heeeeeyyyyyy…" Hiyori suddenly spoke up, looking thoughtful for once (thoughtful? She's never thoughtful!-Shut up baldy!), "Why the hell are there mountains in the background? There weren't mountains before…"

"Ahah!" Shinji, despite his state, perked up. "Urahara told us that he was moving Karakura, and placing a fake one in it's place on the human world, and that he was moving the real Karakura to Soul Society, and that the fake one was a decoy so Aizen wouldn't destroy the real Karakura, and that the real Karakura would be safe!" All the rest ahhed at their leader's brilliance, except…

"Baldy! Why didn't you mention it earlier!" Hiyori slapped him, again. "And don't use run-on sentences!" Shinji promptly fell over, still not fully recovered from his past wounds, and having to sustain this new one. All the rest had to agree with Hiyori though. If he had mentioned it earlier, they wouldn't be lost like this. And using run on sentences? Shame, shame Shinji.

Following, their new leader, Hiyori, they headed whatever way she was going, leaving Shinji to get up and hobble behind them.

They soon reached what they believe was Rukongai. No one was around, so they continued forward. It was the only way to go anyway.

"Hey! Who are you guys?" A black haired shinigami ran up to the group. She had a book in her hand, and wore glasses. Guess who.

"Why you dressing up like me girl?" Lisa pushed to the front and looked the shinigami up and down. Rose and Love snickered at her attempt at being a gangster, or a wannabe anyway.

"Y-Yadomaru-sama," Nanao, incase you were wondering, gasped upon seeing her protégé. She seemed generally please to see her. She had on the whole tearful face, you know, the one with the big eyes full of hope, brimming with happy tears? And the mouth that goes from a shock to a smile? You know that face right? "I-It's you!"

Silence. Then…

"Who the hell are you?" Lisa folded her hands and bluntly asked. Nanao's face fell, but just a little.

"You used to read to me on the 1st of the month remember?" Nanao implored, almost begging her role model to remember her. Lisa slipped into a thoughtful pose. With each second, Nanao lost more hope. Then Lisa's face scrunched up in shock.

"Holy… Are you my daughter?" Lisa yelped, taking two steps away. Everyone sweat dropped at this. _Uh… Lisa… you don't remember having a child?_

"Okay, nice that we are having a little trip down memory lane," Hiyori cut in, pushing Nanao and Lisa further away, "I don't really give a damn who screwed who and who's mama to who. How the hell do we get to the damn battle?" She picked up Nanao by the collar, but Nanao returned it with a dark stare.

"No matter if you are Yadomaru-san's friend," Nanao spat out, "I cannot allow anyone to know of top classified Soul Society information. How you found out there is a battle in the first place is beyond me. And… what are you wearing?" She looked over the Visoreds outfits. "You're clothes are very… weird."

Hiyori flinched, and everyone else took a step back.

No one ever made fun of Hiyori's clothes. _Ever._

…

"Well this sucks Hiyori, now we are banned from the Seireitei!" Shinji groaned as they wandered… _outside_ the Seireitei. A bunch of Shinigami just happened to come walking up just as Shinji, Love and Rose were holding back Hiyori from flinging her sword at Nanao. Lisa screaming something about Kyoraku going to hell for getting her pregnant with a snotty brat wasn't helping. Throw in Kensei holding Mashiro from unleashing her Mashiro Super Cero and Hachi meditating (They supposed that the group thought he was setting off some high powered destructive spell), and well, they got booted right out, doors closed.

"We were always banned anyway!" Hiyori yelled back at him. If Hachi hadn't bounded her, she would have killed him.

"Well, what now?" Mashiro grinned up at Kensei, who was rubbing at the scratch Mashiro accidentally_-_she would like to add- gave him when she clawed at his face to let her go. Accidentally, of course.

"Yo, I'm about to have one of those awesome moments when I remember something so everyone be quiet." Love held his hands up in silence. "Damn, forgot it."

"Why don't we just open a Senkaimon to the human world?" Rose looked back in the direction of their warehouse, he just wanted to get this over with so he could go back and sleep. What he didn't know was that he just said something brilliant, which would keep him on his feet for a couple more hours, and eventually lead to him getting cut down by Aizen, unable to move.

Oh, what an unlucky bunch they were.

"THAT was my brilliant moment!"

…

"Where are we?" Shinji looked out of the Seikaimon. Love pushed him out, who then was pushed by Rose, then Kensei, Lisa, Hiyori and Mashiro all came toppling over. Shinji was on the bottom of this massive pileup. Next to them, Hachi opened a new Seikaimon and calmly stepped out.

Groaning, all those who toppled over got up, except Shinji who was wondering if he could die right there and then. Perhaps Aizen would be kind enough to stick a sword through him as soon as they came to fight, just so he wouldn't have to take any more torture.

"Baldy, you're horrible at directions." Hiyori scowled and crossed her arms. Shinji stood up as fast as he could, cause he felt another slap coming.

"But still, where are we?" Mashiro peered out into the surrounding area. There were buildings all around.

Whirl!

Something speed right by Mashiro's face. Kensei had pulled her back just in time so that she wasn't run over by a car.

"What the hell was that?" He roared. People stopped to stare at the ragtag bunch in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Guys?" Hachi looked around his surroundings. "I do not believe we are in Japan anymore…"

"What do you mean?" I opened a Seikaimon straight for Karakura town!"

"Well, can you read any of the signs?"

All the Visoreds looked around. True to Hachi's words, the signs around them were incomprehensible. There were weird symbols on them. The language was different as well, as the talk around them was different then what they were talking in.

It was a dirtier, less advanced place then what they were used too.

"Guys, I think we are in New York City." Rose scratched his head. All the rest turned to him.

"And how might you know?" He pointed to the tallest building any of them had every seen in there life.

"That was on the background of that new CD I got in the mail." He sighed. "Great, we're lost, halfway across the world." Hiyori slapped Shinji. He promptly fell over.

"Let's ask someone!" Mashiro grinned and turned to a businessman who was walking by.

"Excuse me?" He turned. She smiled the sweetest smile she could.

"Could you tell us how to get to Karakura town?" Everyone slapped his or her foreheads. She was speaking Japanese. The businessman looked confused.

"I am sorry!" He yelled. "I-do-not-speak-you're-la-ngu-aaage!" Mashiro looked confused as well.

"What is he saying?" she turned back to her fellow Visoreds. They all shrugged. She turned back to the man.

"Hey, HEY!" She tugged at his shoulder. He swatted at her, accidently hitting her face. She fell back, stunned, and the man gasped, holding his hands at her.

"I-am-sorry!" He yelled. She screamed. Kensei boiled in anger.

"You starting beef with her?" He roared, punching his fist into his hands. Love and Rose rushed forward to hold him back. The businessman looked terrified now. He motioned for two police officers to come over. The group saw the two cops walk over, and everyone froze.

No matter the country, one thing was certain wherever you were. If the cops were after you that meant you were in trouble. BIG trouble.

Hiyori punched one of them out. Lisa took out her sword, and the other police took out a gun. More police arrived on the scene, and Love and Rose let go of Kensei to take care of them. This allowed Kensei to punch the businessman, which definitely got everyone's attention.

A whole brawl broke out. Hiyori was slapping everyone she could get her hands on. Love was attempting to separate Kensei from his hard grasp on the businessman. Lisa was handcuffed, but she was kicking everywhere she could. Rose was attempting to make peace, but the language barrier wasn't helping. Mashiro was screaming. And Shinji lay there, praying for the day to be over.

_Whoosh!_

Hachi opened a Seikaimon. Quickly, he shoved Mashiro and Shinji through. Hiyori jumped in after kicking one last officer. Love wrenched Kensei off of the man, who was sobbing and gasping for air. Rose broke Lisa out of her handcuffs, and both of them hurried in. And last was Hachi, with a slight bow to the officers, as he too made his way into the Seikaimon. It disappeared into midair, and the police stood there, stunned.

What just happened?

…

"Finally! We are here!" Love called out happily. "Thanks Hachi!" The burly man bowed in response.

"How is it that Hachi can do what you couldn't?" Hiyori nearly slapped Shinji, but saw he was in a healing barrier. "Hachi!" She roared. The said man bowed at her as well.

"Master Shinji is not doing well, so I have healed him." Hachi gave a low smile to Hiyori, she growled but turned away from the scene.

"Who are you all?" Another low voice rang out from nowhere. Everyone turned and groaned.

Chojiro Sasakibe stood there, staring at the newcomers.

Great, another lieutenant.

Kensei walked up to him.

"Look, like, um, we need to get in to help them?" he tried to act as diplomatic as he could. Sasakibe wasn't buying, and neither were the Visoreds. I mean, try to picture Kensei as a diplomat. _Try_.

"No." Sasakibe turned. Kensei felt his anger boiling (for like, the 5th time that day) but before he could take _real_ action, Lisa decided it was time for her to step in and save the day.

"He~ey Chojiro?" she cooed. He turned, his eyes raised.

Lisa had no intent to let her skirt flap in the wind. It just happened. She also in no way had planned to wear her sexy underwear that day for Kyoraku (not that the idiot deserved it anymore,) cause that was just coincidental. She also had absolutely no idea she had let her shirt out of the tuck into her skirt, cause that was absurd to say she planned it.

She will admit though, she may have unbuttoned one button more then needed on her blouse, but all for the cause, right?

"Wanna let us in?" she smiled seductively at Sasakibe, falling into a position so that he had full view of her… assets. She knew it should be working, cause Love and Rose were staring open-mouthed, and Kensei was turning red not from anger. Sasakibe stepped forward.

"Well…"

…

"That IDIOT!" Lisa screamed. Hiyori held her back as Mashiro hurriedly tried to fix her clothes. The males of their party were all in shock, minus Hachi who was meditating.

"He-has-no-BACKBONE!" she roared in the direction of Sasakibe. She shook out of Hiyori in anger, and Mashiro had not finished buttoning her shirt.

"W-well…" Love hurriedly wiped away a nosebleed. The rest of the men where lucky to have turned right at the right moment, meaning they were saved from viewing her in full. Love… not so much.

"Isn't he gay for the Captain-Commander?" Rose turned when Mashiro announced it was safe. Lisa turned, her face red from anger. (Like everyone else in their group. Between Lisa, Hiyori and Kensei's anger, Shinji's hurt face, and Love's nosebleed, the Visoreds were now walking tomatoes.)

"But it works for gays!" She roared. A blood vein popped out on her face. Everyone looked confused.

"I mean come on, Rose and Love are still taken to my looks and their-"

"We are not gay." Rose and Love simultaneously sighed. Everyone looked at the two, amused.

"What?" they simultaneously stepped back, surprised. Everyone else sweat-dropped at this.

Shinji- whom everyone had forgotten about until this time, groaned. "What happened?" he yawned.

Everyone glowered at him. He stopped mid yawn, looking at everyone surprised.

"What?"

…

"If you guys woke me up, maybe we could actually go in and help by now." Shinji groaned. All of them glowered at him again, and he immediately shut up.

"If you weren't so freakin' hurt, then maybe we wouldn't have to heal you," Kensei growled. Shinji opened his mouth to retort, but upon seeing Hiyori's look of anger, he remained with his mouth closed.

The sat there in silence, watching as the current Gotei Thirteen got there butts kicked by the Espadas.

"Hmm… Rose?" Love asked. "Ya see my lieutenant? I can't find him." Rose looked out, relief apparent on his face.

"Nah, I don't." Rose sighed. "There are new faces out there, and thank goodness Chikane isn't among them. Man, she would kill me if she were here!"

"Well, he owes me 300 kan so…" Love shrugged.

Meanwhile, Lisa watched Kyoraku get served by the Primera Espada. _That weakling, _she thought angrily_. I'll show him!_

"Hey! Mashiro!" Kensei called out. He just spotted Shuhei Hisagi. The green haired woman turned.

"Ne- Kensei?"

"Yo, isn't that the kid that we saved?" Mashiro nodded.

"What was his name again? Shunei Hiraki? No, that sounds too much like Shinji's name." Kensei shook his head.

"Hunhei Shiragi?" Mashiro offered.

"No, the first name starts with "S"."

"Shilai Unagi?"

"Too chinese sounding, plus, he didn't have a fishy last name."

"Ichiro Matsui!" Kensei looked at Mashiro wearily.

"No, that's two baseball players names mixed up." Mashiro shrugged, and took a closer look at the boy.

"Lookie Kensei! The kid has a 69 tattoo too!" She pointed happily at him. By now, this had caught the rest of their group's attention, and they all looked at the kid the two were staring at.

"Heh he does. I respect that. Could have put it somewhere a little less obvious though." Kensei smirked and shook his head disbelievingly. Mashiro looked at him, confused.

"But why? Isn't he showing loyalty to you?"

Everyone's sweated dropped.

"Uhhh… Mashiro, how do you know Kensei has a 69 tattoo? And do you know what it means?" Lisa hesitantly asked. Kensei, realizing what they were implying, blushed red, but alas Mashiro was blind to their meaning.

"Yup! It's on his chest, and it means his last name and the company he was in!"

Everyone's sweated dropped. Again.

"No, she doesn't know."

"Excuse me?"

Everyone turned to see Chojiro Sasakibe rush up to the group. Lisa growled, but kept quiet to hear what he wanted.

"I-I think," he started, but he need say no more. The Visoreds saw as Wonderweiss and Fura entered the battle, and stood.

"Time for our moment to shine."

Chojiro hurried off to open the barrier. The eight Visoreds stood in silence.

"Shinji," Hiyori broke it. "You have a big speech or something to say to prep us or whatever?" Shinji jumped back, surprised.

"Y-You thinks I have a s-speech?" He stuttered. Everyone point-blankly stared at him. His surprise turned into one of those sparkly eyed, happy faces.

"This is the greatest day of my life," He whispered. My team believes that I am competent, they trust me enough to spe-"

Slap.

As usual.

"Me and Lisa will help the new captain with the sexy lady," Hiyori directed. The males looked gratefully at Hiyori, all except Shinji who promptly fell over.

"Love and Rose, help Kyoraku." Hiyori barked. This time, Lisa was grateful.

"Kensei and Mashiro, take on the big thing and its owner over there." Hiyori pointed at Fura. Mashiro clapped her hands excitedly.

"Hachi, work with Sui-Feng and her Lieutenant." Hachi bowed in answer.

"What about me?" Shinji recovered and asked Hiyori. She turned and smirked.

"Stand there and look important." She grinned at him. At this time, Chojiro had opened the barrier. She pushed Shinji through first. He turned and smiled at his team.

"Let's roll."

…

Okay, the Visored one-shot I've been planning since forever. Takes place right before the Visoreds enter Karakura town.

The ending was a bit bad, cause I lost my funny bone at that time. Actually, I might not have a funny bone in the first place. I am horrible at comedy. :D

What does Shinji do through the battle? I can't remember. ^.^'

I will draw a doujin for this, when I get time.

Please leave a review, okay?

And Breakdown of the Sphere readers will get new chapter out TODAY.

Until next time!

~~~EeLgIrL (^.^)


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